The 37th Annual Razzie Nominations (and my thoughts)

If Star Wars didn’t inform the world about the Episode 8 title today, I’d say that the Razzie nominations would be the most excited movie-related thing that I’ve heard about.

 

For those who are unaware, The Razzies (sometimes referred to as The Golden Raspberries) is an award show that rewards movies for being terrible. I’m under the assumption that this is mainly done unprofessionally, because some of the absolute worst movies didn’t even get nominated (I’m sort of shocked that Nine Lives has no nominations here, especially considering that every living being hated that movie). And where the hell is Max Steel on this list?? Or Masterminds for that matter??

The other thing that gives way to my assumptions is how much their website is an absolute eyesore.

 

But regardless, I know from (many) a firsthand experience that bashing terrible movies is cathartic. So why not make an award show?

Now as for these nominees, I saw a large majority of these films, but not all of them, so my thoughts on them will likely be incomplete.

Here’s the complete list on The Razzies site if you’d prefer to look it up there.

(An * means that I have not seen the movie)

 

Razzies 37 B.jpg

 

WORST PICTURE

  • Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
  • Dirty Grandpa
  • Gods of Egypt
  • Hillary’s America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party*
  • Independence Day: Resurgence
  • Zoolander 2*

 

I have seen all of these movies except for Zoolander 2 and Hillary’s America.

Documentaries are not something that I feel comfortable reviewing because they have a much stronger tenacity of being biased. With movies, I know the story is fabricated (or at least dramatized), so I don’t need to worry about whether or not someone is telling the truth. With documentaries, that’s not the case.

Besides, I know Dinesh D’Souza is about as conservative as they come, and considering my political beliefs are often one-sided, I had no interest in trying to watch his documentary objectively.

In my opinion, Hillary’s America was probably a poorly made movie, but I’d place bets that he’s largely in there because of politics.

 

As for Zoolander 2, I had absolutely no interest whatsoever.

 

Out of the movies I DID see, I would say that Dirty Grandpa is easily the worst. Batman v. Superman was definitely disappointing, and Gods of Egypt and Independence Day were both really dumb, but if I were choosing the awards, I would give it to Dirty Grandpa.

And that’s because Dirty Grandpa is a shining example of why the comedy genre is dying in movies. The characters are all poorly written caricatures, the humor is so predictable and obvious that I was able to call jokes well in advance of the punchline, and I was able to predict how the plot was going to turn out as soon as I knew all the key players in the story.

 

That being said, if Batman v. Superman gets the Razzie, I won’t be disappointed because of what it represents: a greedy corporation only interested in making money, handing off a beloved franchise to an incompetent director, and trying to speed the story along to catch up to a battle that Marvel has already won.

But Dirty Grandpa is still a worse movie.

 

 

 WORST ACTOR

 

  • Ben Affleck (Batman v Superman)
  • Gerard Butler (Gods of Egypt / London Has Fallen)
  • Henry Cavill (Batman v Superman)
  • Robert de Niro (Dirty Grandpa)
  • Dinesh D’Souza (Hillary’s America)*
  • Ben Stiller (Zoolander 2)*

 

Once again, I didn’t see Hillary’s America or Zoolander 2

 

If Ben Stiller gets this award, I might force myself to see Zoolander 2 to see if they made the right choice, but I doubt he’s going to get this reward because nobody saw Zoolander 2.

I’m also not quite sure how you could call what Dinesh D’Souza did “acting” if he’s narrating a propaganda documentary. Ah well.

 

Ben Affleck does not belong on this list. In my opinion, the ONLY thing I wasn’t disappointed in was Affleck being Batman.

Now was the script written in a way to make Batman terrible? Yes.

Was this Affleck’s fault? I say no.

 

So that just leaves Gerard Butler, Henry Cavill, and Robert de Niro.

This is honestly a tossup for me, but if I was forced to make a decision, I would probably go with Gerard Butler for Gods of Egypt (he was fine in London Has Fallen). His overacting in Gods of Egypt made me laugh hysterically multiple times. But it’s not like he was the only bad actor in Gods of Egypt, and in my opinion, Brenton Thwaites and Geoffrey Rush were worse than Butler.

Gerard Butler just got the nomination because his name is more recognizable.

 

If I were to have my way, I would have gotten Zach Galifianakis and Jason Sudeikis from Masterminds onto this list, because both of their performances were absolute cancer, and their performances were worse than anyone else on this list.

 

 

WORST ACTRESS

 

  • Megan Fox (TMNT: Out of the Shadows)
  • Tyler Perry (Boo! A Medea Halloween)*
  • Julia Roberts (Mother’s Day)
  • Becky Turner (Hillary’s America)*
  • Naomi Watts (Allegiant / Shut-In*)
  • Shailene Woodley (Allegiant)

 

FINALLY! One of these lists has Mother’s Day in it!

I have not seen A Medea Halloween or Shut-In (and once Again Hillary’s America).

Despite this, if Tyler Perry gets this award, and he stops making these moronic Medea films, I’ll be fine with it, despite the fact that Tyler Perry is a man.

 

Megan Fox, while a terrible choice for April O’Neil, doesn’t really belong on this list. She’s less of a bad actress in this movie, and more of a boring and unexceptional one. But most people hated TMNT more than I did, so what can you do?

Naomi Watts was also just boring and unexceptional in Allegiant, and I’ve been told that she was the only thing in Shut-In that wasn’t terrible.

 

Shailene Woodley, however, was so bad in Allegiant that I actually laughed at her performance at one time. If she gets the award, I would be fine with it, but I don’t think she’s the worst on this list.

 

In my opinion, I think Julia Roberts should take it for the whole Mother’s Day team, because that movie was a dumpster fire, and for some reason, it’s not on the Worst Picture category, so I will settle for Worst Actress.

 

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

  • Julianne Hough (Dirty Grandpa)
  • Kate Hudson (Mother’s Day)
  • Aubrey Plaza (Dirty Grandpa)
  • Jane Seymour (Fifty Shades of Black)*
  • Sela Ward (Independence Day: Resurgence)
  • Kristen Wiig (Zoolander 2)*

 

Sela Ward played the madam president in Independence Day: Resurgence, and her role was 1/3 boring and uninspired, 1/3 just dying (oops, spoiler), and 1/3 being a replica of Hillary Clinton. So I think it would be hilarious if she got the award.

 

But once again, I think that any category that has Mother’s Day in the list should automatically hand it to them. Kate Hudson would more than deserve this award.

 

But hey, if the award would go to Dirty Grandpa, who gives a crap on whether or not it would go to Julianne Hough (lazy stereotypical bitchy-girlfriend to lead protagonist who’s oh-so-not-right-for-him), or Aubrey Plaza (lazy stereotypical raunchy sex appeal in a gross way)?

 

 

Worst Supporting Actor

  • Nicolas Cage (Snowden)
  • Johnny Depp (Alice Through the Looking Glass)
  • Will Ferrell (Zoolander 2)*
  • Jesse Eisenberg (Batman v Superman)
  • Jared Leto (Suicide Squad)
  • Owen Wilson (Zoolander 2)*

Holy crap did Zoolander get all the nominations… maybe I should’ve seen this movie so I could speak on these awards with more authority.

 

Why in the world is Nicolas Cage on this list for Snowden…? He didn’t do a bad job. I guess people just like hating on Cage.

 

Eisenberg getting this award would be no skin off of my nose, but in my opinion, Johnny Depp or Jared Leto should get it.

 

Jared Leto as the Joker was an absolute embarrassment.

Johnny Depp as The Mad Hatter legitimately made me angry.

 

But both of them are fantastic examples of style over substance. Nothing about either character makes sense, and their characters are largely defined by

A. Their costumes.

and

B. The fact that they’re crazy.

 

There’s nothing else to either character.

 

If I had to choose, Johnny Depp would get it, and then he needs to get off of Tim Burton’s lap and pick better projects to work on.

 

 

WORST SCREEN COMBO

  • Ben Affleck & Henry Cavill (Batman v Superman)
  • Any 2 Egyptian Gods or Mortals (Gods of Egypt)
  • Johny Depp & his Vomitously Vibrant Costume (Alice)
  • The Entire Cast of Once Respected Actors (Collateral Beauty)
  • Tyler Perry & That Same Old Worn Out Wig (A Medea Halloween)*
  • Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson (Zoolander 2)*

 

I don’t care too much for this list, and any of the four categories I have knowledge about would be fine for the taking.

Oh, I have to make a decision? Fine, slap another Razzie in Johny Depp’s stupid face.

 

 

 

Worst Director

  • Dinesh D’Souza & Bruce Schooley (Hillary’s America)*
  • Roland Emmerich (Independence Day: Resurgence)
  • Tyler Perry (A Medea Halloween)*
  • Alex Proyas (Gods of Egypt)
  • Zack Snyder (Batman v Superman)
  • Ben Stiller (Zoolander 2)*

 

Zack Snyder. Give it to mother flipping Zack Snyder.

 

I completely, fully, repeatedly place a vast majority of blame on Snyder for making BvS awful. The entire story that he spent years writing was abysmal and incompetent, and the only reason Cavill and Affleck were so horrendous was because of the dialogue and direction.

If they gave this movie to someone with actual talent, then BvS would not be on any of these lists. I promise you that.

 

That being said, I would find it hilarious if Alex Proyas of Gods of Egypt got it. He recently had an interview where he stated that everyone was stupid for calling his movie terrible. And if there’s one thing I hate, it’s a lack of self-awareness.

Alex Proyas would be the only winner that I would not be angry about Zack Snyder losing to.

But seriously, give the award to Zack Snyder.

 

 

 

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel.

  • Alice Through the Looking Glass
  • Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
  • Fifty Shades of Black*
  • Independence Day: Resurgence
  • TNMT: Out of the Shadows
  • Zoolander 2*

 

Out of the sheer principle of Fifty Shades of Black setting out to mock Fifty Shades of Grey, and failing miserably at it, I would not be disappointed if this movie won.

 

Aside from that… I can’t seem to lean one way or the other for the ones I have seen. All of these movies represent something that I hate about movies these days.

Out of all of the ones I’ve seen though, Batman v Superman was the most shockingly incompetent, so I guess I’d vote for that one.

 

 

 

WORST SCREENPLAY

 

  • Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
  • Dirty Grandpa
  • Gods of Egypt
  • Hillary’s America*
  • Independence Day: Resurgence
  • Suicide Squad

 

Basically, which one has the worst script?

 

Holy shit, this one is hard. All the ones that I’ve seen are terrible. I would be fine with any of these scripts getting the award.

However, Batman v Superman’s biggest problem was just how disjointed the entire movie felt. From one scene to the next, the entire movie lacked a sense of flow. The script was bad, sure, but it might have passed with better cinematography and some tweaks in the script.

I simply can’t fault Independence Day much because the original content was fairly cheesy in the first place.

God’s of Egypt’s big problem was the acting. If the acting wasn’t so atrocious, the script might’ve passed for boring instead of horrendous.

 

So I would give it to Suicide Squad, but the fact is that even if all the other problems of Dirty Grandpa had got fixed, that wouldn’t change the fact that Dirty Grandpa is fundamentally broken. It’s a carbon copy of every other raunchy comedy in existence. So I would give the award to Dirty Grandpa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

That’s everything. Let me know who you think should win.

Also, if you saw Zoolander 2 or Hillary’s America, please let me know if you think they were worse than these other contenders.

 

stevejdonahue.wordpress.com

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s