Review: Bridget Jones’s Baby

I walked out of this movie with utter disdain for Bridget Jones, not necessarily because the movie was terrible (which, by the way, it was), but because Jones as a character must have been hit with some sort of magic that causes all of her cringy and embarrassing behavior to arouse men on demand.

 

See, throughout my entire life, I have amassed a plethora of examples of times where I have said extremely cringy and embarrassing things in front of all sorts of women that I have found beautiful, and not once did it ever end in a date, much less intercourse. (In fact, I believe one of the reasons I am now married to a beautiful woman is because I decided to shut the hell up and let her do all the talking the first two or three times we hung out).

 

This leads me to draw one of three conclusions: either perpetually having your foot in your mouth isn’t so bad if you’re a woman, Bridget Jones lives an enchanted life, or this movie is a pile of garbage. Perhaps all three are true.

 

Bridget Jones as a character lives in a perpetual state of humiliating herself by all the things that she says and does. Now, I understand that this is part of her character, so I somewhat felt compelled to forgive a lot of the cringe-fests that this movie put me through. However, this being a part of her character does not change the fact that some of these scenes were nothing but unbearably painful.

 

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To some extent, parts of her awkward personality were charming. In fact, I would feel compelled to like her character more out of sympathy and understanding. I would have been even more compelled if the movie would have just let Renée Zellweger act instead of just explaining how she felt through narration. Holy crap was the narration ever infuriating. Based on the dialogue and the acting, I was often able to infer what Jones was actually feeling and thinking. Unfortunately, much like other chick flicks, the movie seems to think its target demographic is a bunch of bumbling idiots that don’t understand context.

 

Speaking of things that informed you of how you’re supposed to feel, the soundtrack for the film was absolutely vomit-inducing and often tried to interpret the scene for you. There was a point in the movie where something very sentimental happens between Zellweger and Colin Firth’s character, and before I could appreciate the sentimentality of the scene, the soundtrack comes along and gave the scene a comedic tone, as if I was supposed to laugh at this heartfelt moment.

Also, during the beginning of the movie, when Jones decides to lip sync to a rap song, I almost wanted to leave the theatre.

 

The plot was particularly standard for a chick flick: a love triangle, a massive amount of poor communication, a conflict transition, and then an ending that was so warm, happy, and consequence-free that it ceased to feel compelling. Much of the time I felt like I was seeing a movie that wasn’t new.

This was made all the more worse by the fact that this generic plot was interlaced with some of the most obvious and straightforward comedy I’ve seen all year. And if the jokes weren’t obvious, they were repetitive instead.  There’s this scene where Bridget Jones is at her job producing a live news show, and as she begins to feed the host questions, she then gets a phone call, so she answers it, but she doesn’t silence her microphone. Oh boy, how funny, now the news host is parroting Jones’s words, but they weren’t supposed to be for the actually interview going on. Wow, how funny that it happened again…. and again… and again. Now, Jones has ended the phone conversation, the interview is ruined, and no one is going to confront Jones or hold her accountable for being a worthless producer. What a hilarious sequence of events that was.

 

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As for the two love interests, what’s-his-name from Grey’s Anatomy was alright. His job was to be the rich, handsome, lovable, perfect type that all the female audience was supposed to swoon after.

Colin Firth, on the other hand, was quite possibly the only saving grace to this dumpster fire. His character is stoic and awkward, so this gave him the opportunity to actually perform without dialogue. Some of the funniest and/or best moments are how Firth facially reacted to events happening around him.

Some of the back-and-forths the two men had were also fairly entertaining to watch.

 

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The rest of the massive ensemble fall somewhere along the lines of slightly important and abominably annoying.

There are some cute moments between Jones and her parents. I, for one, enjoyed the friendship between her and her dad.

All of Jones’s friends (the two broads and the gay guy) all seemed like afterthoughts. I haven’t seen the previous Bridget Jones installments, but I assumed that these were returning characters that reappeared because unlike Hugh Grant, they apparently had nothing better to do.

Jones’s boss was some young, hipster chick that is supposed to be the representation of the ever-hated millennial generation with her cynical attitude, her pop-culture obsession, and her ugly haircut. However, the movie didn’t seem to realize that if you make your protagonist terrible at her job and obnoxious, then you somehow find yourself sympathizing with the other girl that you’re supposed to hate.

Jones’s work friend was so irritating that I wanted to throw her off a thirteen story building into a pit of sharp objects and poor life decisions.

Some of my fellow reviewers seemed to think that Emma Thompson stole the movie as the snarky doctor, but I simply do not know what they are talking about… all of Thompson’s best lines were spoiled in the trailers, and she doesn’t have much else to offer along the lines of great comedy. And the movie really didn’t give her much of a chance to be great anyway.

 

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There were quite a few editing and continuity errors that I caught all throughout the film, and it’s just another testament to how lazy this film was as a whole.

 

Bridget Jones’s Baby is a condescending, comically obvious, generic, embarrassing, and all around bad film. There were some elements that I did enjoy, but there were even more elements that I wanted to enjoy but the movie refused to let me. I suppose I have found that film that I can hate for a few weeks before finding another putrid Hollywood factory comedy, and I’m giving this movie a 3 out of 10.

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