Review: Dirty Grandpa

 

I started this day off with a dilemma. There were three movies that came out recently, and though I wanted to see one of them so that I could write about it, I couldn’t figure out which movie I wanted to see the least. I could see the newest installment of young adult, post-apocalyptic genre-type movie (The 5th Wave); I could see Maggie from the Walking Dead babysit a creepy doll (The Boy); or I could see this movie. So I Facebooked one of my fellow movie-loving friends to pick for me, and he told me to check out Dirty Grandpa.

 

I should have gotten a second opinion because this movie is an unfathomable piece of dog crap.

 

Now when I first saw the trailers for this movie, the only thing I could think was “Wow, Robert De Niro looks like he’s really forcing this one in. He’ll probably be the worst thing about this movie.” And even though he did a terrible job, I would argue that De Niro may have been the best part of this movie because everyone else did even worse. It was like watching a contest to see who could play the most cliche, uninspired role in a terribly written raunchy comedy.

Hey, Zach Efron plays an uptight, unhappy lawyer who never makes a decision on his own without the help of his dad or fiancé? I wonder how his character arch is going to develop…

Hey, Efron’s fiancé manhandles him around and pressures him into making decisions he doesn’t like? I wonder if they’ll actually get married in the end or not…

Hey, Robert De Niro is an old pervert who wants to have Zac Efron drive him somewhere important? I wonder what lessons he’s going to teach Efron in the end of the movie…

Aubrey Plaza is a loose girl who likes being as obscene as Robert De Niro and likes having sex with older men? I can’t imagine what she’s going to do in this movie.

Plaza’s female friend is a cute, girl-next-door type who use to go to school with Zac Efron and shares his love of photography? I’ve never freaking seen that before!

 

If you’ve seen a raunchy comedy or a romantic comedy in the last two decades, this movie will not surprise you in the slightest. It will play out almost exactly how you think it’s going to play out.

Jason Mantzoukas is in this movie too, and if you’ve seen him in any other movie or TV show before, you already know what kind person he’s going to be. I honestly just wished this movie surprised me once, but unfortunately I’ve seen this kind of recycled garbage before a hundred times.

If you were planning to watch this movie for the titillation, I swear to you, it is not worth it. Zac Efron without a shirt, or Aubrey Plaza in her underwear, does not save it from dropping to the lowest form of comedic mediocrity.

 

Also, is this what constitutes as comedy nowadays? Every single joke in this movie either made me role my eyes in anger or made me shrink back in my chair in embarrassment. The dialogue in this movie was like having a potty-mouthed, fourteen-year-old boy fill in the blank spaces in an ad-lib book. I’m sorry, but lazily peppering the dialogue with constant references to STD’s, human sexual organs, and hardcore drugs isn’t funny. Does that make you laugh? Then watch this schlock, you dolt; I don’t know what else to tell you.

And I’m not just hating on the movie for being obscene. Though obscene humor really doesn’t do much for me these days, I can enjoy that kind of humor if it is used in a way that’s intelligent, or at least in a way that’s pushing the envelope. This sterile movie couldn’t manage to do either.

 

It comes down to this: as I was driving home, I was trying to figure out an answer to the following question: would I rather watch this movie again, or watch The Ridiculous 6 again? And not only would that be an easy decision for me, but I’d rather watch the Ridiculous 6 twice before I’d watch Dirty Grandpa again. Hell, the bad acting in The Forest made me laugh more than Dirty Grandpa made me laugh.

 

I expected this movie to be bad, but I never expected it to be this bad. This is a horrible movie and you shouldn’t see it ever. If someone tells you to see Dirty Grandpa with them, you should either stop being friends with them or slap them in the face and then stop being friends with them. There is nothing redeemable about Dirty Grandpa whatsoever, and I’m giving this movie a 1 out of 10.

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